Finding Balance #healthyliving

Over the holidays this year, I stopped exercising and started letting myself eat whatever I wanted. The reason behind this was that I was beginning to get too strict with myself. I wasn't eating enough and I was over-exercising. Both are things that can, individually, put my body into starvation mode, and it was showing. My weight was slowly inching up even though I was exercising several hours a day and not eating enough. So, I decided to shock my body out of starvation mode by spending two weeks eating what I wanted and not adding any exercise into my daily routine. This didn't work out so well for me.

Remember, a long time ago on this blog, when I mentioned that I have a binge eating disorder? Well, following Slimming World helped me to keep control over it. When I found myself going in the opposite direction and wandering into anorexic territory (which is not the Slimming World way), I decided to make a change, but I didn't only let loose for the two weeks I had planned on. I found that, once I started letting myself eat what I wanted, the binge eating took over again and it took me two months to reign it back in. It also took me those same two months to force myself back into exercising daily.

In the meantime, my weight went up. It went up more than I had planned on. I have still lost well over 100 pounds. I have no longer lost over 145 lbs. I have about 19 pounds left to get back to my low weight. (It was 40 lbs, but I already started losing the weight again a couple of months ago.) It is depressing and I am not happy with myself or my body right now.

I am back to doing anywhere from a minimum of an hour and half of exercise daily to a maximum of 2 hours. Usually, I spend 66 minutes using the elliptical crosstrainer and spend about 45 minutes walking. But one thing I discovered with the bit of weight gain and the lack of weight training, is that I really do not like the way my arms look. I had, before letting go, been getting my arms rather toned and was seeing some nice muscle developing in them. So this past month, I have reincorporated weight training into my exercise regime. Three days a week, instead of walking the dog for 45 minutes, I am doing the Wii Fit step routine while doing different arm lifts using handweights. It's working. I am already noticing the muscle development.

My biggest problem right now is in finding balance in my healthy living efforts. I don't want to be swinging from one eating disorder to another, from binge eating to anorexia. (And yes, you can be overweight AND suffer from anorexia at the same time. I am not saying I was anorexic, only that I was heading in that direction.) The main reason I lost the weight in the first place is because I want to be healthy and live a long time so I can stick around for my children. Overexercising and not eating enough will NOT help me achieve that goal.

I am still proud of the 126 lbs I have lost. I am happy that I am living a healthy lifestyle and increasing my energy and strength. I am determined to continue to do so and not to let anything keep me from being as healthy and strong as it is possible for me to be. I am also determined not to let this recent failure get me down. I can let regret eat at me or I can work towards fixing things. I choose to fix things.

Continued goal:

I will be a healthy example for my children, and I will not let any disparaging words about my body or my weight pass my lips for my children to hear.


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Why Being Healthy Is More Important Than Being Skinny

When I came up with the name Skinny Dreaming for my blog in 2008, it was because I was morbidly obese and wanted to reach a healthy BMI. To me, getting healthy was "skinny dreaming." I set up a Google alert that lets me know when someone is trying to use my blog name and, since then, I most often come across other blogs of young severely anorexic girls who post pictures of themselves and give tips for other anorexic girls on how to starve themselves or purge the food they eat and other very dangerous activities. It makes me so sad. I don't want my website's name associated with that kind of thinking and I really, really want these girls to understand that they are beautiful as they are and they don't need to hurt themselves through starvation and/or binging/purging. 

According to the National Eating Disorders Association, anorexia has one of the highest death rates of any mental health condition.

Side Effects of Anorexia:

1 - Hair loss
2 - Dental decay
3 - Osteoporosis

These three symptoms are just the visible symptoms, and, if you're thinking about losing weight by starving yourself, take a look at those three symptoms right there. They are not pretty. You may end up skinny, but you'll also end up bald, toothless and hunched.

4 - Weakness
5 - Fatigue
6 - Heart problems
7 - Paralysis - temporary but can lead to more permanent nerve damage and paralysis
8 - Kidney damage/kidney failure
9 - Loss of menstrual cycle/infertility
10 - Dizziness/vertigo/low blood pressure/anemia

There are other symptoms and side effects, but the really important side effect to take note of is

DEATH.

I take pride in the fact that I have not only lost the excess weight I was carrying, but that I stopped while I was still at a healthy weight. I have grown healthier and stronger. How can anyone think that all of the other side effects and risks are worth starving themselves or purging after meals? I know that some psychologists will say it is about the anorexics' need for control, but there are other ways to take control of your life that have nothing to do with how much or how little you are eating or allowing into your body.  How about taking control of your HEALTH? How about taking control of your mind and increasing your knowledge and learning? How about working on getting stronger, physically and emotionally?

To anyone who thinks that it is worth starving themselves or making themselves vomit in order to be thin, please, PLEASE choose instead to value yourself and your life more than that. Please.


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