Body Image & Battling My Inner Critic

You would think that, after having spent years being morbidly obese and then finally, finally, being slim again, I would be thrilled with my new body and wouldn't have a complaint about any part of it. I mean, really, can't I be happy that I look and feel so much better now than I did when I weighed more than twice what I weigh now? Shouldn't losing 145 pounds make me feel really good about what I now see in the mirror?

But nothing is ever simple or easy, and even though I am an advocate of girls and women feeling good about themselves, believing in themsleves and in their own, natural beauty no matter what shape, size, age or color they may be, I still find myself being very critical of my own appearance.

I have been asked before about loose skin since losing so much weight, and I will answer honestly by saying, yes, there is some loose skin. It's not a lot of loose skin and it's not as bad as it was in the beginning. The more time I spend at or near my target weight, the more the loose skin firms up. But I still find myself looking at it and feeling unhappy with it. Loose skin in my belly area, boobs that have lost their fullness, and a bit of loose skin on my upper arms; it all makes me sometimes feel less than lovely.

Then there are the signs of age. I spent my 20s and most of my 30s being so overweight that any wrinkles that were beginning to appear were hidden in layers of fat. Now that the fat is gone, my crow's feet and laugh lines are showing. The skin on my neck is not as smooth as it once was. My forehead has creases that were not there before I gained all of that weight. My red hair is much thinner now than it used to be, and tiny strands of white are beginning to appear in it.

But I am trying and striving to silence that inner critic, the one that tells me I will never be pretty enough or thin enough or young enough. Because I used to hear her, that inner voice telling me I'm not good enough, all of those years ago when I was young and thin and had never been overweight, when my hair was thick and shiny without a strand of grey. She used to speak to me when I was a young girl and a teen, and strangely enough, despite my youth, despite the terrific figure I had back then, she still told me I wasn't pretty enough or good enough or thin enough. And this is how I know that my inner critic lies.

So I fight her. And there are beginning to be more and more days when I win against her, when I feel good about myself and even feel pretty. There are days when I don't fight her hard enough, but I am finding that, the older I get, the less I hear that voice. She's still there, whispering in my mind and hidden behind my own thoughts sometimes, but I am able to ignore her more often. I even find myself replacing her with a new voice, one that tells me I am more than good enough. And I am finding that I like this new inner voice much better.

Next time you hear the voice of your inner critic, remember that your inner critic lies, and try replacing her voice with a new one, one that encourages you and helps you to believe in your own worth.



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Signs Of Life

A friend of mine (Kayecee over at Life Over Here) posted this to Facebook today, and I instantly knew I had to share it here. All The Wrinkled Ladies by Anita Renfroe, although seemingly tongue-in-cheek, could actually speak to a lot of women and how they are feeling about their bodies.

I was overweight, seriously overweight, for more than a decade. Once I lost the weight and saw my body once again minus almost 140 pounds in excess fat, I noticed some changes. Some of the changes in my body are the result of having carried and then lost so much weight. Some of the changes are the result of having given birth to seven beautiful children. Some are simply the results of aging.

But even as I work to eradicate some of the changes, as I try to firm up as much of the muscle underneath the loose skin as I can, as I hide my skin from the damaging rays of the sun behind sunblock and hats, and I work to maintain my weight loss, I know that some of the changes are permanent. And I'm okay with that.

The wrinkles next to my eyes and near my mouth are signs that I have had laughter in my life. The stretch marks that crisscross and reach across my belly like a road map are signs that my belly made itself into a temporary home for each of my children before they were ready to come out into the world. The tiny bits of grey showing up along my hairline are a sign that I am no longer a child and have the experience that comes with age.

My friend Barb from Barb's Bookshelf, said it best in her post about True Beauty when she wrote,

True beauty is not simply what’s on the surface. When you feel good about yourself and who you are, when you carry yourself with confidence and self-acceptance, that makes you beautiful. Beauty is in the mind, not in the body.

(I've borrowed this quote from her before, because it is so appropriate and reflects something that I believe in very strongly.)

So are you accepting of your body as it is? Or are you waiting until you achieve that ever-elusive, perfect body?

Girls & Body Image

I'm trying so hard for my girls not to see me with a "diet mentality." But no matter what I do, they are imagining it anyway!

I still eat chocolate. I believe in allowing for treats, but limiting them, so that I don't feel deprived. And the kids have seen me eating chocolate and other treats.

Yet today, as I carved up some brownies to give to them, Gabby kept saying, "You can't have it, Mommy, because you're not allowed to have chocolate." I have never said anything like it around her. If I am not letting myself have a treat when everyone else is, I just say I will be having it later.

I want my girls to be confident about themselves and their bodies no matter what size they end up being, and I want them to have healthy attitudes towards food, not the messed up attitude I had for so many years.

It's such a difficult line to tread when you're trying to lose weight!

I'm trying to lead my daughters by example. I don't talk about my "diet." (I believe that diet is just a word, and one that refers to whatever food we happen to be eating, not any special "plan.") I talk about eating foods that will keep me healthy and strong.

I don't talk about my body in a negative way in front of my kids. How can I expect them to feel confident about their own bodies if I let them see me being insecure about my own?

I fit a reasonable amount of exercise into my day, and I eat large, healthy meals. I snack on fruits and vegetables. Occasionally, I even have chocolate, because I really, really enjoy eating chocolate. And when I have it, my kids see me eating it. They see me eating all kinds of food.

I don't center any occasions around food. Sometimes I provide snacks and meals for guest when we have visitors. Sometimes I just have drinks ready. I don't want the kids to think that every social occasion requires food to complete it.

There are other small things I do to try and lead by example. It doesn't always seem to be working though.

So hit me up in the comments with what you do to try and instill body image confidence in your kids and a healthy attitude towards food. And if you don't have kids, how would you do this if you did?

The Shape We Know

Yesterday, in preparation for going out with my husband, I decided to go into my closet and find a dress to wear. I knew I had some dresses in my closet that were last worn when I weighed what I weigh now, and they had looked pretty good on me at the time.

But things have changed. My body may weigh the same as it did when I last wore those dresses, but it is no longer shaped the same as it was then. My boobs hang a little lower (the product of having had four more kids since then), but that can be helped with a good bra. The changes to my stomach and waist area aren't so easily helped though. Everything is a lot squishier and lumpier than it used to be. I lost a lot of weight while pregnant, and the effect that the stretching of the extra weight and the pregnancy have had is lots of loose skin.

I tried on each dress, looked in the full-length mirror and thought, "Yuck!"

Was it discouraging? Not really. Instead of thinking, "I lost all of this weight and still look like that?!!", I just felt a larger urge to get exercising. I may not ever be able to get my body back to the way I knew it to be, but I can have a good go at getting it as close to beautiful and healthy as possible.